The Nebraska Cornhuskers have found themselves embroiled in a hard-fought, see-sawing battle for football domination. Not on the turf. Not in the fall in a blindingly vicious helmet-to-helmet showdown of cracking pads and driving cleats. This battle is taking place almost solely on social networking sites. The honor we’re collectively battling for? A chance to have the College Gameday crew from ESPN do a commercial featuring our school.
Nevermind that College Gameday is the best college football show in the nation. Nevermind that the ads for the show are universally loved and enjoyed by the masses. This is about Nebraska football and, where the Huskers are involved, this state goes straight for the top. We’re all in on the N. All the time.
But you can imagine my shock when I found out that we were in second place. As I was voting, every day for the past week if I’m going to be totally honest, I couldn’t help but notice some other school sitting in the top spot in the overall votes category like a maroon and white impostor seated upon the throne. Texas A&M.
Somehow our former rivals from the South were able to climb to the top and maintain a solid lead over the groundswell movement of the Sea of Red. The Nebraska administration got behind the movement. Even Bo Pelini tweeted his support. We’re talking grassroots as only 2012 can provide them. Tweets, Status updates, Google-whatever-ing, texting, sexting, and youtubing. Even this:
They are announcing the winner of the contest today at 2 P.M. and if the Huskers were able to pull off a shocking upset, if Osborne and Pelini’s social media blitzkrieg has actually worked, then we need to start coming up with wild, rumor-filled speculation as to what these ads will look like. Let me fire off the first salvo of baseless, wild, and limitless-budget-plan commercials.
Mad Man, Season 5
(*Author’s note: Bo Pelini is going into his fifth season as the Cornhusker head coach.)
Lee Corso, Kirk Herbstreit, Desmond Howard, and Chris Fowler are all standing on a set designed to look like an office, dressed up in the stereotypical 1960’s attire of the characters on the AMC show Mad Men. There’s a camera crew, and a producer wearing a headset and a clipboard is handing scripts out to the guys.
Herbstreit: I can’t believe we get to do a special guest appearance on Mad Men.
Howard: I know. I totally love this show. I always considered myself the Don Draper of college football. I could sell any juke in the open field to any defender.
Corso: The best part? I didn’t even have to go to costume, I just grabbed this jacket out of my closet. Man, the ’60s were the best.
Fowler: (Looking down at the script he’s holding) Ummm. . .guys. . .I don’t think this is actually Mad Men.
Producer: Alright, guys, first off let me tell you how excited we are to have you on set for the fifth season of our reality show, Mad Man.
Guys: (Unsettled) Mad. . .Man?!?!
Producer: C’mon, guys, don’t tell me you haven’t seen it. It’s like Punk’D for college coaches. We just told Bo Pelini that you guys backed the Gameday Bus into his car and now we told him you all were here so we can get a reaction shot.
Herbstreit: (potentially peeing his $2,000 pants) Wait, Bo Pelini?
Howard: His car? You told him. . .what!?!?
Corso: Bring him on. . .
Fowler: Hang on just a minute. . .
Producer: Oh, and we also told him that after you guys did the hit and run, you ran over Taylor Martinez’s foot and he’s out for the season. Ready? We’re going on in 3. . .2. . .1. . .
Closeup: Bo Pelini kicks in the door to the office like a member of a S.W.A.T. team. He strides into the office with his eyes bulging and his neck veins pulsating with rage. The guys duck and cover.